I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
