Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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