i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
