you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
