I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize