there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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