i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
