I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
