my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
