so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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