my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
