Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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