i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
