so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
