After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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