is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
