i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize