Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
