i think i have herpe
just one?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize