connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
