I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
