Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
