Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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