i jhust puked up my retainher.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
