Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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