You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize