lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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