Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There are leaves in my underwear?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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