I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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