i already hear my dad disowning me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Randomize
