Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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