I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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