That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
