We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
