After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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