i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
