32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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