I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
