nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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