Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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