Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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