You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
