He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you didnt know i had herpes?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
