I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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