he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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