Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish I could teleport
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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