i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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