Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
