I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
