my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
