Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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