I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My underwear smells like fireworks.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
