Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
