the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
