people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
