My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
