Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
