I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
