Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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