This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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