ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
