Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
