yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
