I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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