Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
