So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
