quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
