Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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