no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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