Who did Billy Mays play for?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
