You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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