He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
