there's paper in my vomit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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