I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
