More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
