I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
