Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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