we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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