i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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