No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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