We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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