Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
