She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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