The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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