Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
