He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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