some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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