woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
