i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
