how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
