It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
