I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
