Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think I just sharted jello shots
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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