We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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