You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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