Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
