shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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