mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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