lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
